I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she looked like the before picture.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
