The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize