That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
