You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
