I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
