wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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