Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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