I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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