we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
