dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
