Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
