WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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