either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
