At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
