Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize