Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
