he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
