She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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