i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
