Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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