soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
