walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
