Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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