moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
