Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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