Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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