We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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