happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
