The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
