We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
