Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
