I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize