My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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