feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
