u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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