No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize