Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
