I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
