Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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