Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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