no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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