I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
