he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
