dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
