Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
