I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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