I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
