Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
