Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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