Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
