You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
