Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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