my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize