Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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