wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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