I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
