She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
