I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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