I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
