im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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