the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
