it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
