It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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