i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
