it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
