I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
