So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
