I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
