im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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