so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
