brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I faked an abortion last night.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize