apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize