my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
