The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
