meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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