I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i out mim tonsoeep
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